REGRET.

"At such a time, it seems natural and good to me to ask these questions; What do I believe in?  What will I fight for?  and What will I fight against?"  --John Steinbeck, Author, East of Eden

On November 19, a great conversation began based upon a Facebook status that I had posted.  The status read as follows:

"If you went up to Jesus and said, 'What do you think about homosexuality?', Jesus' response would have been, 'what do you think about love of God, love of neighbor and care for the poor?  You are asking the wrong question because your are focused on the wrong issue.'"  --Dr. Amy-Jill Levine, Great Figure of the New Testament

Many people from different walks of life shared their voices and opinions regarding this statement.  You are more than welcome to check out the responses on my Facebook page and comment yourself.  This dialogue has prompted me to begin approaching the vast rift that exists between the church (especially but not exclusively the Southern Church), and the homosexual community.  Again, I do not know all the answers, and my guess is neither does the reader.  In lieu of that, I am hopeful that we can continue the discussion in a manner that respects every individual's sacred worth.

It was a beautiful night in May of 2013.  Perfect in fact.  It was as if this very evening was designed by God for something very special.  This was the night I would go on my first date with another man.  Yes, I was quite nervous at first, however, I was comforted in the fact that to everyone else, we simply looked like two buddies having beer and shooting pool.  Something seemed so fluid about the evening and we really had no desire to forsake each other's company.  We continued our time with a walk along the nearby river.  It was in these moments, that for the first time ever, I felt normal.  I felt at ease.  I felt comfortable.  I felt, shall we say, NATURAL.  As we sat on a bench under the stars, I very quickly began to realize that my life would never be the same after this night.  I also knew that with this transformation, I would have to ask and answer a lot of questions.  Most every question that began to race through my mind was was a question regarding my faith.  How do I reconcile this with scripture?  Why would God make me this way if he didn't intend for me to be this way?  How will I deal with the people in my past that will despise this path in life and do they matter?  And the most obvious question, how could I for the first time in my life feel so right and natural, yet be told I am so wrong and artificial?  I did not begin seeking those answers immediately, but was keenly aware that the time for that journey would come soon.

For those of you who are not aware, I was raised in the United Methodist Church and served nearly ten years in Student Ministry.  I have wonderful memories that flood my heart as I think back on those years.  Most all of them involve first -hand witnessing of student's share Christ's simple love with one another.  I think back to Whitney who' family lost everything in Hurricane Katrina, and upon coming to Shreveport, our students fervently embraced and loved her.  I think of students giving up their Thanksgiving Break to do hurricane relief.  I am reminded of students who used their Christmas Party in the cold with nothing but a 50-gallon barrels of glowing fire so they could get a glimpse of what Christmas looked like for the homeless.  I remember students walking through life together and kneeling at many an alter together to pray and convey their love for one another.  I am proud of the role I had the privilege to play in these student's lives, but I do have one regret.  I led as a hypocrite in one area.  I possessed a nature that I was preaching against.  I was homosexual and actively sharing with students and many others that it was an immoral practice that was not conducive with being a Christian.  I certainly developed a great stash of grace-filled explanations for homosexuality, but I believe these explanations to be incorrect now and I believe I led many people down a road that combats against sharing a faith journey with gay men and women.  This is my regret.

That same man I shared my first date with recommended a great book to me.  It is within chapter 13 of East of Eden by John Steinbeck that I found some of the most important questions a man or woman of any orientation can ask themselves; What do I believe in?  What will I fight for? and what will I fight against?  These are questions for which I seek answers daily.  I believe in a God that places sacred worth on every individual that draws breath.  I spent many years leading people down a road that implied otherwise.  For this I am sorry, and against this, I will fight.  Until next time…