JADED

"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that.  But even in my most jaded times, I had hope."  --Gerard Way, My Chemical Romance

Over the past week, I have had some different experiences that continue to teach me more about who I am as a person.  I will reserve these stories for my own memories.  A friend of mine told me that eventually you become jaded to people in the gay culture.  You begin to expect less of people.  Your optimism diminishes for your fellow man.  Personally, I refuse to believe that the homosexual community is any more shady or worthy of being jaded to than the heterosexual world.  Another friend stated to me that she misses her optimism, but people in general seem to make optimism impossible.  This is the reason for this week's post.  Thanks for reading and hopefully sharing.

As long as I have been breathing oxygen, I have always looked for the best in people.  This is a great thing, but it can also be a very easy way to get hurt when they don't live up to those (sometimes undue and unfair) expectations.  I would have never called myself gullible, and honestly, I always felt as though I was a more than adequate judge of character.  As I have come to almost 32 years on this thing we call Earth, I have come to understand that I am not always the best judge of character.  Some I get correct with laser like accuracy. Some I don't and that's a tough reality to face.  The reason I get some of those correct though is because I consistently begin at the same point. I remember in middle school the excitement I experienced when there was a test (that I had probably not studied for) and I found out it was "true/false".  There was at least a 50/50 shot at getting the answers correct.  Even if I just answered all true or all false, there was just as great an opportunity to get the answer correct as it was to get it incorrect.  This is how I feel about people. I think.  

When I went to work for Apple last year, one of the things I loved most about the culture (as most of my employees will tell you with a grimace because I always referred to it), was the core value of "Assuming positive intent."  Whether an employee had done something to offend another or break policy, or even if a customer came in with a problem, you always began with the same baseline--ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT.  This resonates so much with who I am as a person.  I have a feeling as I continue on this journey, I will experience hurt as all of us will.  I have a feeling that I will misjudge people's character or intent again.  I also have a feeling that I will continue get a lot of them right.  I guess all of this is to say, I am determined NOT to become jaded to anyone around me.  I am determined to continue beginning friendships, connections and relationships by believing the best about people, no matter their orientation, color or creed.  It is who I am.  If I don't continue to believe this way, then I simply become a liar again, just on a different topic.  Will I get hurt at some point because of this determination?  Absolutely.  But I have to stay true to who I have always been.  It is my hope that we all begin to look for more positive intent out of people.  Is it idealistic?  Yes, but I just don't know what is so bad about idealistic.  Until next time friends...

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bigger but then, I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was,

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

from IT'S TIME by IMAGINE DRAGONS