Many of you know that over the past few months, I have been going through the process of living a more authentic life with people.  I have told most of you that I don't have an agenda and that I simply want to live my life in the way I believe I was created.  As I have gone through this process I have come to some very real conclusions that I will be sharing through this forum.  The purpose of these musings is not to be a crusader or gain notoriety, however my hope is that through this somewhat transparent view of my story, people begin to have a deeper insight into what it means to eat, sleep, live and breathe this story shared by so many.  I hope to deliver a message in a way that people (myself included), gay, straight, out and not, might gain a greater understanding of life and the happiness that comes through authenticity.  Coming out has never just been about me.  It was a conscious decision to become a better son, brother, friend, employee and man.  To my homosexual friends, understand that this isn't my attempt to say that I know and understand everything there is to understand.  In fact, it is exactly the opposite.  This is just the beginning of a long journey of discovery, joy, heartache and insight.  To my heterosexual friends, understand that this isn't my attempt to force my beliefs on you, confuse your children or try to make you believe the way I believe.  It is simply my attempt to let you see the world through a set of eyes that you hopefully already know and respect.

Who am I?  My name is Lance and I am Gay in Alabama.  I am a server, a talent manager and work for an MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) promoter.  I grew up in the church and served in Student Ministry for 10 years preaching the whole "Love the sinner, hate the sin" mantra.  Yes, I've dated women and believed for the longest time that I could pray my gay away.  I believed that one day I would have a wife and kids and a white picket fence.  Obviously this never worked out quite the way I planned it.  The reality is, I was a liar.  I would work hard to become more authentic in life, but until I could be open and honest about my sexuality I would always be a liar.  This lack of authenticity with myself has led to me losing jobs, contemplating suicide, and losing the respect of many people that I had developed great fondness for.  No matter how good a job, friendship or circumstance, there was always the darkness of lies that invited destruction as if it were a guest.

Why didn't I come out earlier?  Plain and simple, fear.  I feared people's perception of me.  I feared my family would shun me.  I feared the churches I had served would brow beat me.  As I look back now I realize that many people's perception of me was already poor.  Many in my family didn't respect me (rightfully so).  And hell, working in the church never showed to be the most stable career option anyways.

Why did I come out now?  I had always said if I met someone that was worth it, I would make that move.  The reality is, in May of this year, I did.  Now ultimately it didn't work out, but for once I had met someone that I could have imagined being happy with for the rest of my life.  At that point I was no longer concerned with fear.  I began to realize that the fear I had experienced for so long was in fact the thing that was not worth the heartache.  Thankfully, I had made some changes and worked hard to rebuild damaged friendships.  I had made the time to gain and regain respect from many people.  My goal has been to be seen as simply Lance.  It was my hope that people would see and respect me for the content of my character once more.  I made huge strides in this area which allowed for a much easier process of being authentic.  As I began to talk to friends, family and bosses, I was amazed at the love and support they showed to me.  Most were surprised and some were not.  Let's be real though, a lot of the surprised people were probably just being nice ;)  Sometimes I wish that I had come out earlier in life, but I think there is a comfort in my skin that has come from waiting so long, and I refuse to regret the experiences and people that have made me who I am today. 

Moving forward...Again, my goal is to be respected for who I am and how I treat people. The goal of this blog is to give some insight on a regular basis as to this experience.  I do hope that this forum creates comfort for those struggling with the same questions I fought with for so long.  I hope this forum creates understanding and possibly even changed opinions for many who I really believe have tried so hard but just don't get it.  I will work hard to continue loving and respecting people for who they are.  I realize there are some people that will take serious exception to this blog and will have serious issue with my sexual identity.  For the first time in my life, I can honestly say, I'm ok with that.  At the end of the day, I'm just me.  The only thing that has changed in me has been an improvement...authenticity.  It is my hope that everyone will respect and appreciate that.  The reality is I could move to much more gay friendly cities and states, but I don't know what that would accomplish.  I love this city.  I love this state.  I love these people.  And for now, I am determined to be Gay in Alabama.
Until next time.
Lance


Just want to thank a few folks.  My mom, thank you for your love.  I wish I had tapped into your wisdom before now.  My dad, we haven't always been close but I am so happy a new chapter has begun.  My brothers, Marc, Brian and Steven; thank you for your care and I am looking forward to a new day (without you rolling me down the stairs just for fun...haha).  To the students and pastors that have meant so much to my life over the years; it was never my intent to deceive you, but to invest in your lives in a way that we would impact each other for a lifetime and not just a tenure.  To my StrikeHard family, fighters, coaches and gyms, thank you for your respect and all the support you have given me.  To my friends and you know who you are; you have meant the world to me.  And to the callous thinker...thank you for helping me see me.